DESTROY!!
ITEM!! Radio blowhard and professional bully Lars Larson heard that Cleveland High School’s Sexual Minorities and Allies group was planning an outdoor screening of Hedwig and the Angry Inch! Seeing this as some sort of backhanded slight to his own manhood, Larson egged his reactionary audience into a telephonic bashing of such epic proportions that it shut down the school’s phone system! The school with no small amount of exasperated eye-rolling and long-suffering sighing canceled the dick-chick flick to assuage these small-minded bullies! Larson and his sycophantic ilk may strut and preen for now, satisfied in having smacked down a bunch queer ‘n’ questioning kids who never did nothin’ to nobody, but the last laugh’s on him: the Portland Mercury is sponsoring their own outdoor all-ages showing! Guess what, Larson: it’s a free fuckin’ country! So bite me! Monday, 7 June, 8 pm, at Pacific Switchboard!
ITEM!! The beleaguered Cheney-Bush campaign for the presidency planned a public stop at Kalamazoo College to be hosted by the campus College Republicans! Curious liberal students who wanted to see what all the hubub was about stood on line in the rain for two hours to get tickets! They dressed in mufti—khakis, sweaters, no bumper stickers or banner ads of any sort—and arrived at the public event promptly! But they were turned away at the door for failing a background check! It seems College Republicans had been trained to spot potential threats and fingered the subdued libs based on their reputations alone! When the libs attempted to assert their right to attend a public event, police were summoned! Arrests were threatened! They were informed this public campaign stop was actually a private event, closed to all but a vetted audience! We ask you, ladies and gentlemen, and all the scientists at sea: What does Cheney-Bush have to hide?
ITEM!! Scott McCloud’s seminal DESTROY!! was the first ’90s comic, say some; THE LOUDEST COMICBOOK EVER! bellow others! Its deceptively simple storyline makes wild mockery of the dialectic in which each side cries to the other, “You are stupid! And I will SMASH YOU!” Which makes it a stunningly prescient work of political satire! But don’t let “satire” fool you: it’s also great fun and a cathartic read! And the original artwork is a stunning addition to your home or office! (Management has for many years rejoiced in the classic “DESTROY! SHUT UP! DESTROY! SHUT UP! DESTROY! SHUT UP!” page.) This factoid is mentioned because only a few pages are left, but they are humdingers! Only $250 each! Management humbly commends the following page to your attention—
Courage! Bush is a noodle!
Dilute! Dilute! OK!
Oh man. Destroy. Excuse me. DESTROY!! Legendary.
I finally read that a few years ago. To get my hands on some original pages may yet win me respect from my peers.
Temptation waits -- nay, it stalks me.