Rules of order.
One thing I’ll never understand—the reason why some people think this sort of thing:
Midshipmen and cadets are expected to conduct themselves as gentlemen at all times—on or off the dance floor. Displays of affection on the dance floor are not tolerated, and Hop Committee members will ask those who violate courtesies to leave the hop. Members of the Hop Committee at the Coast Guard and Naval Academies are distinguished by their gold aiguillettes; at the Air Force Academy by silver aiguillettes; at West Point by red sashes. They have the authority to enforce regulations.
You will never leave your drag sitting alone, or embarrass her with boisterous conduct. Never leave her in mid-floor. If an occasion arises when you must leave, you should leave her with a group before excusing yourself. If you are not adept at certain steps, such as in the more intricate dances, you may suggest “waiting this one out.”
However, since it is the gentleman who invites the lady to dance, it is up to her to suggest that you stop. She might say, “Shall we rest a moment?” or “Please, let’s have some punch.” Otherwise, you should dance indefinitely (perhaps this is the origin of the term “dragging!”).
—or this:
At no time does any individual leave more than three cards. (For example, a husband and a wife may leave a total of six cards at one call.) You will remember that a man calls on adults, man or woman, but that a civilian woman only calls on another woman.
A military woman calls as an officer and therefore calls on the officials for whom a call is regularly required.
The following rules apply to the individual cards a husband and wife leave:
- When calling on a senior officer and his wife—2 officer cards and 1 “Mrs.” card.
- When calling on a senior officer and his wife, and his mother—3 officer cards and 2 “Mrs.” cards.
- When calling on a senior officer, his wife, his mother, and his father—3 officer cards and 2 “Mrs.” cards.
- When calling on a senior officer, his wife, his mother, his mother-in-law, and adult daughter—3 officer cards and 3 “Mrs.” cards.
When a husband and wife use “joint” calling cards (Lieutenant and Mrs. John Smith Jones), these rules apply:
- When calling on a senior officer and his wife, leave—1 officer card and 1 joint card.
- Cards in addition to joint cards are left in accordance with the general rules given for individual cards.
—or even this:
No one likes to apologize, but apologies are in order when:
- You are late at a luncheon or dinner party—or any social occasion such as a reception where the receiving line has already broken up. Then you go directly to the hostess and briefly apologize.
- The host and hostess have waited for your arrival at a luncheon or dinner party, but have not gone into the dining room. Then you apologize and tell them why you are late—and the reason must be excellent!
- You fail to keep an appointment. You should telephone or write a brief note, explaining your failure to keep the appointment—and again, the reason must be a good one.
- You cannot grant a request. In this case you must not only give your regrets, but if possible add some explanation, such as, “I’m sorry, but due to the great sentimental value attached to the object, I can’t lend it for the exhibition, etc., etc.”
- You break or damage something. You must attempt to replace the article exactly, but if you cannot, then send flowers with your calling card. You should, of course, state on the card that you are sorry concerning the mishap.
—is a necessary precondition for this:
- You have caused harm, or have hurt someone needlessly, or through carelessness. In this case you must do more than apologize—you must ask the other person’s forgiveness.
—or sufficient to ensure this:
You must always remember that the word—or signature—of a lady or gentleman is his or her bond. Therefore, think twice before you make promises. Signed to a check your signature means that you stand good for the amount indicated. Signed to the endorsement at the end of an examination it means that you subscribe to the work submitted and that it is your work. Signed to a letter it means that the ideas expressed are your own.
It is of the utmost importance that men and women in the services be honest and direct in all their dealings. Juniors can avoid a great deal of embarrassment by giving a complete but to-the-point answer in replies to questions put by their seniors.
If you are the junior and do not know or cannot give a complete or correct answer, then you should answer only as much of the question as you can without evasion or giving misinformation. An honest “I don’t know, Sir, but I will find out and let you know,” is a better answer than an indirect one that gives misinformation on which your senior may be basing an important decision. An evasive answer might seriously affect your service reputation.
Form and content; style and substance; breeding and manners; nature and nurture. —Etiquette courtesy Captain Brooks J. Harral, USN, and Oretha D. Swartz, Service Etiquette.
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