Bandwagons of outrage.
I’ve been resisting the urge. It’s sordid. It’s—actually—deeply embarrassing, to any American, whether at home, or on the foreign stage. Why call attention to it? —But some things must needs be bandied about, and I cannot, in the end, resist such bandying. I tried to be strong; I’m weak. I tried to be above such politicking and mud-slinging; I’m below it. Far below. So: the link you’ve doubtless seen a hundred times already across the web: John Ashcroft, our Attorney General, proclaims that “Negroes, Asians, and Orientals; Hispanics, Latins, and Eastern Europeans; have no temperament for democracy, never had, and probably never will.”
No, wait; that’s not it. Here it is! John Ashcroft, our Attorney General, had himself anointed with oil upon his accession to the Senate in 1995, an homage to a ritual used to mark the coronation of ancient Israeli kings.
Actually, that can’t be it, either. Creepy and megalomaniacal as that might seem, I don’t think I meant to make fun of the man for his religious convictions. Oh! Right. John Ashcroft, our Attorney General, has said it’s perfectly okay for some employers to discriminate on the basis of religion.
Hmm. Serious, yes, and it greatly calls into question how fit he is to uphold this nation’s laws, but that’s awfully dense material to plow through. Not neat and flashy and streamlined enough to be a swift and supple meme. Maybe—aha! John Ashcroft, our Attorney General, steamrolls over state laws, despite his party’s commitment to states’ rights.
Oh, but that’s old news. Can’t be right. What on earth—I just had it in my hand before the phone rang and I had to deal with that yahoo from the credit card company—oh! Found it. Right. The thing that’s buzzing all over the net, has people ridiculing our Attorney General, John Ashcroft, calling for his resignation; the thing that’s generating so much heat and outrage:
Half-naked statues in Hall of Justice hidden behind $8,000 drapes.
There. That’s it. I knew it was around here somewhere.
